The Haunted Wolverine

Roxbury Fleet gets ready for the Big Bowl Games

2008-12-15T13:33:00.000-08:00

"What happened, coach?" This was the first thing Roxbury Fleet said to Rodriguez the milk-toast scourge. "I mean what happened! All that spreading, all the coaching, the Dick Jane and Spot thing..helping me get through high school.. what happened?"

"Predicated... Coach, predicated. I been studyin just like you said. One big word a day..that's one you don't know coach. Predicated.. my attendance at Michigan.. where are the bowl games? I was reading today, coach, and there are seven big ten teams playing in bowl games, coach...seven.. Your team is in the dumpster coach..the big un.."

The college bowl games were announced on Sunday as 7 Big Ten teams will be bowling to conclude the 2008 college football season. Headlines by the two BCS Bowl teams, Penn State & Ohio State, Iowa, Michigan State, Minnesota, Northwestern & Wisconsin will join the co-Big Ten Champions in bowl games. Here’s a look at each bowl match-up featuring Big Ten football teams.
- Rose Bowl - Penn State vs USC
- Fiesta Bowl - Ohio State vs Texas
- Capital One Bowl - Michigan State vs Georgia
- Outback Bowl - Iowa vs South Carolina
- Insight Bowl - Minnesota vs Kansas
- Alamo Bowl - Northwestern vs Missouri
- Champs Sports Bowl - Wisconsin vs Florida State

"AND COACH, YOU BUM, YOU LIAR... MICHIGAN IS NOT EVEN PLAYING...YOU DID NOT EVEN MAKE THE INSIGHT BOWL!!

"Ohio State, coach, I've been invited. I'm going to that Nacho bowl, coach.. munch, munch... Coach..what happened? There flying me coach..recruiting."

"Thanks for the offer of the free trip to Cancun coach... but I play football!"

Posts to come

2008-12-01T17:15:00.000-08:00

Well there has been a hiatus, a reckoning a reconnoiter here at the Haunted Site.. What to do and why? Michigan 2008, oh never mind! But over the next few months as we limp through winter, struggle through spring and swelter through the summer Haunted suggests you stop by weekly for updates on the Life and Times of Roxbury Fleet. A tale to bring a smile to the face, and send sadness packing.

Don't Forget even as Michigan Football Founders..ROXBURY LIVES!!

Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life

2008-11-23T07:15:00.000-08:00

From Deeply Imbedded

Before The Spanish Scourge There Was Hope...Now There's Only Hope a Dope

2008-11-20T18:55:00.000-08:00

And before Rodriguez, When Loyd Carr, with his storied knowledge of Michigan and his appreciation and understanding of Michigan Football, was coach, years ago...

Haunted wrote this.

IT IS IMPOSSIBLE
FOR A WOLVERINE
TO LOSE A CONTEST
WITH A BEAN

Now it appears, that sadly, Michigan,the boys in yellow, the men in blue?, will be defeated by a legume. Yes, thanks to the mess the new coach, Rodriguez, has brought to old Ann Arbor Town there will be woe and sadness this final Saturday of this terrible, miserable season. Thanks to the Spanish Scourge A Bean Will Defeat a Wolverine.

And what do we hear of Roxbury Fleet, our once fine hope to win this game? Roxbury is not playing anywhere but he is dining in Columbus this weekend. Perhaps if Michigan possessed a different Coach, a coach more like Loyd Carr, Roxbury and Jenny Swindle would be with the Boys in Blue this weekend. Sadly, with only the Scourge and his great Spread.. The Cyclops appears to be moving on, and probably to our hated rival The Beans.

However nothing is set in the sod yet... and maybe if Michigan sends a surrogate recruiter, perhaps if The Scourge tosses his remaining meager ethics to the wind, he may yet score with Roxbury. Perhaps if they send Loyd Carr? Don't count on it!

What you can count on is that Michigan will end the season with the worst record in its 129 year football history, and the Men in Blue ( we will give them that for this final sentence) will forever be known as the worst team in the Michigan lexicon.

But oh never mind. It is certain. Michigan will lose the game and probably Roxbury Fleet too.

Rodriguez on a Rail...Anyone?

Ohio State 42
Michigan 13

NOW GO BACK TO THE TOP OF THE PAGE AND WATCH FIELDS OF GLORY AND REMEMBER WHEN

Wet with Woe?

2008-11-14T06:52:00.000-08:00

The weather says wet, and in the town of Two Anns no one knows what will happen. Will the Scourge win at home, will he crumble, will he rant and shout? Will Roxbury Fleet come back into the Michigan fold.. or will he continue talking to Ohio State?
All of these questions may be answered on Saturday. Beware.

The game seems to be a toss up, but do you have any idea what Michigan team will show up? Haunted sure does not. Statistics would say it is more likely that the Boys in Blue-Yellow will show up confused and lonesome for another victory, and that last weekend was a simple fluke.

It would be fitting, end the home season in mud, bedraggled, wet, and full of shame.
The coach, the Scourge shooting his rage, kicked out of the game for bad sportsmanship.. It would be fitting.

But perhaps the boys will pull of a victory, a triumph.

Meanwhile- Roxbury Fleet is held now by only a single thread. His Michigan dreams fading-faded. He wanted a team with victories, after all he listened to the song. And, let down by Rodriguez, his mentor turned moron, let down be tradition, let down.. and looking. It may be time for the Scourge to get to Jenny Swindle, promise her the world if she can deliver Roxbury. Who knows?

Haunted Waits.

Northwestern 24

Michigan 17

It's Good To Eat Cake

2008-11-08T19:35:00.000-08:00

Encroyable as the French would say. The Boys have grown a smidgen in stature. They Won!

It appears the Scourge should have picked a different quarterback from the beginning.
Meanwhile this may be just enough to make our man Roxbury re-think his plans. Now would be a good time to send him that new Cadillac SUV, I mean send his father... I bet you can get one cheap from that center for auto motive studies.

And Don't Forget

YOU MAY WIN ONE GAME
AND THAT'S OK
BUT NEXT WEEK, SURE
YOU'LL BE BLOWN AWAY.

Throw That Dam Banister Ball

2008-11-07T17:35:00.000-08:00

Little Brown Jug
Whoop de do
A win for us and
A loss for you.

Yes folks, this is the ditty one hears in Minnesota today, tonight, tomorrow. And sadly it is probably true.

Unless the Michigan team learns to spread and respond to thuggish shouting; it seems unlikely that any more victories will come to the town of Two Anns this year. Haunted loses track. Have there been any at all? Well, certainly non worth mentioning....oh yea, Wisconsin...never mind...

And more to the point, this season has been so dismal, so bad, so demeaning and tragic, that even a win against Ohio State two weeks from now will not be enough to even raise a shout. Hell, this program is right in step with the USA, and Ann Arbor has no minor league Obama to save its football team.

Had Roxbury made it, perhaps. But he did not, and he may not be making it next year either. Disgusted with the Coach, the mentor turned moron, plagued by Jenny Swindle and wooed by greater programs. It is going to be a tough sell to get him to show up ever. Still, Ann Arbor can hope... perhaps we can tell him a fib.. Rodriguez is history. There will be a new coach and, well forget about it, Gomer Pyle would be better, just tell him Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck, The Wolverine... anything. Sarah Palin.

Still, we can all hum Little Brown Jug... and think of Jimmy Stewart and Donna Reed and some future Wonderful Life. Hell if Haunted had it, he would toss that dam banister ball of Jimmy Stewart's as far as he could throw it, which isn't very far.

Michigan 10
Minnesota 35

Spread against the spread in Lafayette, and Roxbury Fleet Leaves Two Creeks High

2008-10-31T14:14:00.000-07:00

Yes fans, Roxbury Fleet finished his season Thursday night in a special celebration of football genius. Much like homecoming, but better, was the response from the Two Creeks Sheriff, Jessup Rawlins, who also plays the roles of backup coach and ambulance driver.

"It were the best I’s ever seen", said Rawlins, "the phenom looked left, he looked right and stared at the heavens then he flung that dam ball... agane, agane, and agane... they- them clowns from Forestville never could figure out what were transpirin. Never. It was the best I’s scene ever."

Other’s praised the night, the moon, the harvest, and the caliber of our boy Roxbury...And then Roxbury Fleet's final high school game finished, and with it our lads time in Two Creeks.

But sadly for the Scourge and Ann Ann Arbor, the wooing of Roxbury goes on ( and we don't mean by Jenny Swindle) Ohio state is also in the hunt. The only thing we know for certain is Roxbury Fleet passed all his tests, and he is now a high school graduate. Hurrah. The town of Two Ann’s waits and so does the Scourge. And it does not seem that ‘snake oil will do the trick’ (see Joe Tiller’s reference to Rodriguez being a snake oil seller, charmer, last July)

Haunted hears from a local realtor buddy. The grape-vine is humming “It’s going to be tough to sell that house of his in December... if Michigan sends him on his way? It is unlikely that demand will be high, and who wants the house of a failed coach anyway... Especially an illiterate one....the interest rates are going up and the banks are not lending. It may be Feliz Navi Not for Rodriguez. I mean it would not be like selling Schembeckler's house!"

Ouch! But rumors don’t come from nothing, and most of the town has heard the coach’s interviews by now. No, without victories... it is not going to fly, this Michigan appointment... Michigan doesn’t need professors of football with phrases like ‘where we’re at” and “compete hard” , “progress bein made”...Sadly coach Rodriguez cannot speak any better than President Bush...Make that, not as well.

But, Rumors have it that Roxbury will be in Lafayette this weekend to watch the team. And if the Scourge wants to save his job, if he wants to say...'well, at least I got the phenom'. Then here is a bit of advice from Haunted... Win in Purdue or that’s it for you And to put the situation in the coach’s vernacular, ‘this ain’t likely to be happenin unless the boys compete hard, and forget where they’re at’.

What was The University of Michigan thinking?

Purdue 35
Michigan 10

Roxbury Fleet in Doubt

2008-10-30T06:44:00.000-07:00

And why, because he watched the game last Saturday. Everything is up in the air except the ball on any sort of proper trajectory. Yes, up in the air, because, Roxbury is beginning to regard The scourge as clown, the mentor as moron, that and other schools are calling. And perhaps he saw what Haunted saw last weekend.

Watching the boys play , watching the scourge scream and shout.... “ you’ve got to have a thick skin to play for Rich Rodriguez. He’s a tough coach, that’s what he does.” Say the sycophant announcers.

Deeply remembers growing up in Ann Arbor and watching that angry man , Woody Hayes shout and scream.. Universally regarded as a boob and prick in Ann Arbor.

Well dam, observing this Rodriguez brings back memories, and he is even less a gentleman than Woody Hayes. What was Michigan thinking to pick this jerk for its coach. And they are always defending him “it’s a rebuilding year”.... They’re fightin,fightin!!”

Wait there goes coach again, roaring, ranting, slugging his fist at the air, a clod... coach clod. How dismal.

Halftime and Michigan has just scored and what does the idiot announcer say... “it’s all about the surge” I thought that was John McCain’s line. Surge of Bush, Surge of war, surge of football.... surge, surge,surge...ridiculous!!

And now the coach is speaking... he needs to go back and take that remedial English class Roxbury Fleet just passed...What an embarrassment for a once great University.

Haunted made these observation in the last Big Game, you know the one- The Championship of Michigan... Sparty eats the Wolverines for supper, must have tasted terrible but oh how filling.

None of this is working... Michigan Football is like the Republican economy, a disaster, and like the good old USA what is needed is new leadership...

SACK THE COACH... AND SURGE HIM ON HIS WAY!!!—It was never a good fit, a Southern Spanish illiterate and Michigan.

News Alert From Boom Boom Banghart

2008-10-25T12:59:00.000-07:00

Haunted received this news alert from Boom Boom Banghart:

Dateline: The Big House: Ann Arbor, Michigan
Terrorist Scare at Michigan

The Michigan football practice was delayed nearly two hours
yesterday after a player reported finding an unknown white powdery
substance on the practice field. Head coach, Rich Rodriguez, immediately suspended practice while police and federal agents were called to investigate.
After a complete analysis, FBI forensic experts determined
that the white substance, unknown to the players, was the goal line.
Practice was resumed this morning after special agents decided the team was unlikely to encounter the substance again.

The State Championship

2008-10-24T12:28:00.000-07:00

The State Championship

That's what they're calling it. Why, because you've got to dress up the mediocre, somehow. And yes, you can put lipstick on a pig. ( Just ask Sarah Palin about her spending spree at Saks). Still, unless a million angels start dancing on that pinhead, it’s the only championship Michigan or Michigan State will play in this year. This may be enough to produce a good game, but don't count on it!

The big question for this big game is who will show up, the boys in blue, or the boys in yellow? Will it be the team that did in Wisconsin while eeking out a victory, or will Michigan State trounce our Boys as did Toledo? Probably Toledo... And what will this mean for the future, and what will it mean for the Spanish Scourge who grows more confused and tongue tied every week?

Haunted has learned the Coach was so shocked to hear of Jenny Swindle's version of his very own spread offense that he was left sputtering and spewing gibberish.

When asked about the failures of his system...Well just read his comments.

"We've got to be gap sound," said Rodriquez "You can peek inside, but you can't go inside your gap. You've got to make sure you rally to the ball."

Maybe the coach knows more about Swindle's version of his offense then he is letting on.

And when asked what he knew about the famous game...showing what a deep thinker he is, The Scourge replied

"Well, I know a little bit. Obviously I know about the rivalry because if you coach here or you coach there, you understand it. The big Paul Bunyan trophy -- that sucker's pretty big -- has been sitting in our hallway...I think it's been going on since '53, I believe. The first year we weren't going to take it. After that we accepted it or something if we won, so that's a nice little deal they've got going on."Even besides that, with the proximity of the two schools, the long standing rivalry is pretty neat."

Swell... the Scourge uses the word Neat.

It's amazing this character got Roxbury Fleet through English at all, and sadly... back to Roxbury. The week finds him buried in depression. Jenny Swindle's offense, the kid on the way... his choice of a team (Michigan) looking like a mistake, and his mentor turning into Bart Simpson before his eyes... And now Michigan State is calling and Roxbury has decided it will be a good weekend to forget about football and shoot rabbits.

It's possible the Scourge may blow this yet, and without Roxbury... Even those bags of Kruggerands may not be enough to send him safely on his way, away from the town of Two Anns... Before the natives get him. Before they want their money back.

Michigan State 31
Michigan 13

HAUNTED

The Truth Comes Out

2008-10-23T16:30:00.000-07:00

Did you wonder what transpired last weekend? Did you have the feeling that something was stinky in Denmark, not to mention Happy Valley? I mean what happened? The Boys in blue came out charging, the first quarter belonged to them and then they slumped like a spent boxer. And this is where it gets interesting.

Because Haunted has heard what really happened. Roxbury Fleet's best gal, the young Miss Swindle, was in town to see the game. Worried about her Roxbury's choice of Michigan, and wooed by that old Coach Paterno, Swindle brought her team of Two Creeks cheerleaders to town, and with them her own spread offense.

Yep, by Saturday the Boys in Blue were just tuckered out...Their precious bodily fluids sapped, their bodies drained. Oh yes, the spirit was willing and this accounts for that first quarter, but the Team, your team, my team, Roxbury's maybe- someday-team, had been unwittingly or purposely wasted by Swindle's charge.

So it goes. Hearing of this the Scourge bemoaned his fate, his spread offense so much less than love, so much less than passion.... so much less.

Rumors have it that for the rest of the season the boys in blue are quarantined, just like little children.

Keeping you posted The Haunted Wolverine.

Help Me Haunted- I'm Bored

2008-10-22T15:43:00.000-07:00

Help me Haunted.

I can sense the sentiment. The economy rotting like a late summer peach, the stock market leaping about like a surging, speeding, hyped up junky of despair.
The Boys in Blue gone yellow and no respite, yet and probably. What’s a reader to do.

And more to the point... What’s a Michigan fan to do... Hope!

However as diversion: you may have wondered about the early life of Roxbury fleet, how that golf ball found his eye and squashed it, how his mother left his father, how his father married down, how his mother moved to Branson Missouri to work first with Debbie, and then to schlep at Dollies Dixie Stampede. How and the hell did this kid survive?

Well, about the eye, no Roxbury was not playing golf, he was caddying, carrying the clubs of a bloviated sansabelt clad slob of a member of the Two Creeks Country Club. Just trying to make some money, in the spirit he was always hearing about.... Hard-hard-work.

Long story short. Huffington Billings, Huff of the fifty four inch waste, and the Klan background. Huff Billings the former Wallace campaign chief had hired Roxbury for eighteen, and finally as his game grew lame then lamer. On that fateful day as his consumption of those mint juleps stashed in that giant silver flask increased, Huff began to stagger, and by the seventeenth hole he could hardly stand up.

Roxbury positioned him before the ball stepped back and Huff stumbled, swung wildly, and that was all she wrote for our boy’s left eye. Squashed. And with no health care, and no lawsuit ( Huff was the judge, there was no money even for an ambulance) Roxbury’s family was bought off.... The reason for mother leaving father and father sliding down the slippery slope and Roxbury having trouble with his reading....it happens in America.

But our boy was a natural, and the lost eye a blessing as we described, at least for football, because no one knows where the kid will throw... and the rest is history... Until The Scourge of Michigan found our boy, and tutored him, and all was set. Then, of course, you know of Jenny Swindle....she saw money in the future, but instead she got his kid growing in her belly, and lately... Last week, she’s been pushing Jesus hard... And Roxbury may be sliding down that hopeless Christian slope....We wait...

More to come on Friday before the Big game.

When The Hammer Falls

2008-10-16T17:54:00.000-07:00

When the hammer falls, it falls hard- yep that’s the theme in the little town on the river as reality sinks in. The economy a bust, banks raising student’s loan rates, families going into despair as those lumps of stock just wash away. Yikes, it’s sad, terribly, terribly, sad.

But still, in a normal year there would be that great Ann Arbor soporific, The Team, The Men, The Boys in Blue.. the Big Game, yes, hope would lie with the big game. But not this year, nope, a shabby hiring, a scurrilous, scoundrel coach, a bad program, and deep hubris- that great flaunting... This and the market crashing all at once. The Mud grows deep, and the wagon’s wheels are sinking.

But wait, you say! Roxbury Fleet may still arrive. Could there be hope? Well, there should be, because Roxbury has done it. It appears he is going to make it through that last class, and as much as Jenny Swindle wants him, and as great a gal as swiving Jenny is, Roxbury sees the future, kid or not. Sure, he may drag young Jenny with him to the town of two Anns, at least this was what was up until two days ago.

But wait and woe, because Joe Paterno has come calling, or so Haunted has learned. Yes, the old coach, that clever old fellow with that big nose, and that old age slouch, and that old-world charm. We hear that possibly as goes Saturday so goes Roxbury. Saturday in that gloomy valley is not just another game, it may be the game which defines the boys in blue and turns them yellow for the next ten years. Because, if Paterno pulls this off, and Roxbury renounces Michigan, than the dominoes will start to tumble. The word will be out “don’t go there. They’re losers there, and that coach, a has been all too young...”

Needless to say, The Spanish Scourge, is looking for those Krugarrands, because, because... a bribe...no we won’t go there.

Penn State 45
Michigan 3

They be Drivin against the Mighty Toledo

2008-10-11T11:57:00.000-07:00

Yes haunted watches, engrossed..five minutes to play and the boys of yellow are behind...13-10 Toledo. Even a come back will mean little...but it will be a win. The Scourge is troubled, his head set askew, his split offense sputtered, his image tumbling, his feet blistered and belly bulging.. a wreck.

And there it is the throw..and.. and ...and...F**K and Yikes and intercepted by Toledo with 3:44 to go. What ho What hey they'll be drinking like fish in Mudville today... Hemlock that is.

But Wait the crowd begins to chant...Roxbury, Roxbury, Roxbury..Fleet, and through the stadium a roar arises, a shout of One Hundred Thousand little men... And all eyes look... Roxbury...Roxbury...Can it be, will it happen, victory snatched from defeat... Roxbury, Roxbury...but wait, it is only the WIND and a bit of tattered blue bunting rising, then drifting, trying to soar then falling with one last flutter...trampled to the turf.

Such are the dreams of Michigan fans everywhere...there will be no final field goal... there will be no victory. There will be no... Can you believe it?
Now it's overtime? But no.. THE KICK IS NO GOOD

UNABLE TO BEAT OHIO STATE - TRY TOLEDO

2008-10-11T04:31:00.000-07:00

If you cannot beat Ohio State- try Toledo

Mighty Toledo against the Boy’s in Blue. What you say, Toledo, you mean that crummy town just over the boarder where you use to go and Drink 3-2 beer and try to run amok after drinking eighteen pitchers? Yep, that place. Ug... how the mighty have fallen.

This Saturday may be Michigan’s last chance for a victory this season. Because rumors are spreading, like the offense, that without Roxbury Fleet to pull his fat from the fire, Rodriguez may be lurching on to another program. Fraud in the contract or some such thing.... It appears he had agreed to win some games.

And the Scourge is on top of this one. Without Roxbury Fleet to finish off Ohio State he senses it may be his bacon.

Yes, last week, economic crisis and all, with confusion on the home front when his wife burned up the Krugerrand chart, and with the team running out of time and money... With the banks saying maybe it had not been a good time to add on to the Big House since Michigan was unlikely to fill the place in a couple of years at the rate things are going...Amid this carnage and despair... Where was the Scourge? You guessed it, in Two Creeks trying to help Roxbury out with proportions, equations, and chance.

And it appears he is going to pass Algebra. Then if he can keep his words about him, and his sentence structure under control on that final English test, he might just make it to the Town of Two Anns..Yet. But only if... he can escape the clutches of Jenny Swindle....if she does not find him in the arms of the homecoming queen...if he manages to resist the tugs of Jesus...and if the trains still run on time.

Keeping you Posted- Haunted

Toledo 21
Michigan 20

Rodriguez The Bum

2008-10-05T00:37:00.001-07:00

The Scourge did stomp
The Scourge did shout
He ranted, raved
And walked about

But it did not matter
one we bit
The Rodriguez Plan
Was a piece of sh**

The Wolverine against the Red Skin

2008-10-04T04:24:00.000-07:00

Illinois against the Boys in Blue, the fighting Illini against the beast. Arrows against aggressive teeth. All of these might fit this game if Michigan had talent, or if Illinois was not mediocre. And perhaps both teams will pull a popper and the game will be fantastic. Haunted doubts this.

However; with Michigan still chortling over its fortunate rebound against Wisconsin, and with Roxbury Fleet still trapped in Two Creeks Tennessee. This ones a tough one. The Freshman Threat may play Ok... but nothing like what we could expect or receive if our man Roxbury, the one eyed quarterback phenom in waiting, would suddenly arrive. He won't. He is still trying to pass algebra.

But the good news is, he's passed American history, and they gave him a by on his understanding of the Reagan years, when he sensibly asked, "Well, did this supply-side trickle down shit work, seems logical if you're rich, but my Dad just lost his job."

And this gets us to the point. With Roxbury's family soon to be descending into poverty and with the under the table offers certainly surfacing from other university programs. Maybe now is the time to use our new coach's real talents...persuasion of a different color, and by that we mean good old Maize and Blue.

The Jury's still out on this one, but Rodriguez left West Virginia in the lurch, perhaps a lack of ethics will be a forte in the coming difficult days ahead... at this moment in time...in the great tradition of Michigan Football. Go Yellow ( It appears the stands are full of this color these days, or hadn't you noticed)

Illinois 27
Michigan 20

Haunted

So, You Think You'll Attend The Big Game?

2008-10-01T12:27:00.000-07:00

Ok, Haunted has to admit it. Even without Roxbury fleet, and even with the unprincipled overpaid coach Rodriguez(who he would like to see shipped out of town on a rail) Even with it all. It was still swell to Watch the Boys in Blue (they're not men yet), win the Big Game, with the Big Comeback, During the Big Financial Meltdown. Wa hoo... and a Rooty- Toot- Toot.

So, I suppose this means you will be attending some more big games? Well, Haunted has just the thing to keep your lazy buns comfy on those hard old plastic benches of the Big House. TA DA... The Bench Buddy. You've goota have one. All the cool Asses do!!

Drums Of Doom Along The Huron

2008-09-27T01:58:00.000-07:00

DRUMS ALONG THE HURON

Yes, fans, you've been able to sense them all week, the sounds of booming percussion in the background, slow and growing faster, louder, more syncopated, metaphorical tympanis of gourd and sinew. Booming in your mind's ears. Yes, the forces of misery have been on the march, and the drums are driving.

The spirit of Mudville, the Town of Two Ann's, at least the football spirit, has grasped our nation. Washington senses a losing season as surely as do the men, or should we say boys in blue. Hear them. Listen...one thunderous crash and then another, lightning and storm. Woe is on the wind, and I don't think Michigan's coming loss to Wisconsin, while insignificant to the big picture, is going to do much for the spirits of the little town upon the river.

And it does not help that Roxbury Fleet will be nowhere to be found, still trapped in Two Creeks, confused by the possibility of fatherhood and the predictions of Supply-Side Economics, a subject he just cannot seem to pass. We can only hope! He was almost through his textbook. It stopped at Ronald Regan, but he's been bollixed up by theory, and he's wondering where the money's went. So next week maybe...Perhaps, but it grows ever more doubtful he will arrive this season.

Meanwhile the Scourge is in Denial predicting victory, and when asked about the coming crash this reporter has heard the rumor of his speech... "What crash there will be no crash in the land of Bo. The last few losses where just a little bump". So, the coach, the scourge, with all his millions is out of touch, but we heard earlier in the week that he was seen wandering here and there about Ann Arbor with a shovel and map, and bags of Krugerands... Better than a mattress.

It is not going to be good, or so the rumors say. And recently it was suggested in Ann Arbor that Michigan might just as well cancel the season. It would be good for the environment, so much less driving to the Big House, so much less frivolity on the highways. And possibly the suggestion is a good one...That the economy might be a good eclipse, and reason to just stop, just quit, to avoid the coming losing season.

Wisconsin 24
Michigan 13 1/2

News Alert

2008-09-20T01:47:00.000-07:00

Roxbury Fleet breaks all records. Yes, the one-eyed quaterback phenom has done it again. Rushing, passing, leaping, jumping, and even field goals. Fleet now holds All Records for a single game of high school ball in Tennessee. The local paper put it this way

"Roxbury has done it. In a night so magic and pristine, a night that will be spoken of silently, reverently,and boisterously in the bars and worshiped in the churches... for perhaps a hundred years. Roxbury Fleet from Two Creeks High, put the big kaboom on the boys from Frog Hollar. Never has this reporter seen the likes of it, never! It was a dream of football, a wizadry of the grid iron, and a monumental moment when..."

This goes on for eighteen pages, but you get the idea. So hope, all you Michigan fans and supporters. Hope, that soon, Roxbury will get out of High School and make it to the Big House. Hope.

On a sadder note, Dna tests of the placental membrane prove that the Seductress Jenny Swindle's belly is filling up with, yes, a little Roxbury or Roxburyette. We can only hope this works out for the best and does not keep our man from attending Michigan.

Every Cloud holds a lightning bolt.

So much for now-The Haunted Wolverine

IF ONLY.......WE HAD BEATEN NOTRE DAME

2008-09-18T23:27:00.000-07:00

Yes folks, if only. If only we had kept our coach, Loyd Carr. If only we had not hired a bumb like Rodriguez. If only the press box had been finished before the next great depression, (hello..it is almost here..just round the corner). If only.

So much of life is this it seems. IF ONLY I HAD NOT PURCHASED ALL THAT AIG..Dam

And Dam... if only we had had Roxbury Fleet on hand last weekend we might have won the game, rain or not. Because, the Cyclops has one mighty-mystery of an arm, a steller eye, and a history of playing heroicly in soggy, sloppy, weather. IF Only. But dam we didn't.

And Rodriguez... what a disaster, not only is the man a stumble mouth like George W, but he seems to be having a tough time- Fleet or not. Any coach could have done better, but maybe he should not have fired all the old coaching staff... there we go again. Maybe and If Only.

Yes, I am afraid that will be the season's mantra.. folks... unless, Roxbury shows up in time. If he excapes the clutches of the seductress Jenny Swindle, and if he finishes up the century before the Christian Right burns his books... And if, if, if he is still willing to attend our University... because the rumors out. That Michigan is done for. More to follow... If Only!!

Bozo Ball In The Fall

2008-09-12T02:12:00.000-07:00

One more week goes by and still no Roxbury Fleet. But the Blue's new coach is busy trying to save his bacon. And this week Rodriguez sent a special agent to help Roxbury through the Great Depression and Pearl Harbor, to help him study up, and to look into this pregnancy thing with the seductress, Jenny Swindle. However; it seems clear, without a miracle, the Cyclops will not make it to South Bend.

All in Ann Arbor hope against hope... yet sadly, it's a hope that's fleeting.

Because, it hardly matters, for years now Notre Dame has been a joke, and the Wolverines should have seen the future on the fading frauded frescoe of their Touchdown Jesus. So goes South Bend, so goes Ann Arbor.

This Big Game is no longer Big. The teams are no longer Mighty. It seems that even the bands have lost their pitch. It matters not which team wins when the contest is between two has beens, two second rates, two marginals of the past.

So hope, yes hope, for Roxbury Fleet and a brighter day, a time, a new age-born again, when Michigan football gets a newer, better, kinder, gentler, brighter coach, and returns with one great quarterback to lead them. Look to the future and Roxbury Fleet, who maybe by Ohio, perhaps by Michigan State, will arrive to put things right, crummy coach aside, to return the team once again to greatness.

Sadly it may take until next year. But, if Rodriguez does anything, before his departure back to high school ball, we hope it is one fine quarterback to lead the team, the Men in Blue, once more to victory.... In the immortal words of the Great Leader, when it goes to s***, blame the coach... especially if you are paying him millions.

HAUNTED

Prediction Notre Dame by 10. Note Dame 24 Michigan 14

Roxbury Fleet Still In Michigan's Headlights.

2008-09-05T20:22:00.000-07:00

Well, fans, it appears the conventional wisdom is the boys in Blue (after their dismal loss to Utah last week we cannot call them men) will defeat Miami of Ohio on Saturday Sep 6... I should hope so. And with an easy-cakes game coming up; the Scourge, coach Rodriguez, has kept his eyes pierced towards Tennessee and the Cyclops.

Yes, Roxbury Fleet played what we hope will be his final game for Two Creeks High- passing for 250 yards and rushing for 150. And, he did this scampering and leaping, arm cocked and passing...dashing with euphoria. The field was his and so was the Victory.

"Two Creeks Two Creeks
Knows the way
Roxbury Fleet Just
Saved the day"

This was the cheer that resounded through the valleys, and hopefully, someday, and soon, it will resonate with mighty passion in the town of two Anns and an Arbor.

Because Fleet is moving ahead in his attempt to get out of High School. Just last week he passed by the Civil War in his studies and next week he is about to turn the corner on the last gasp of the Sioux nation. Soon, with coach Rodriguez's help, he will be moving into the twentieth century, and a few wars and troubles later, we anticipate that Tennessee will be history for Fleet, and Ann Arbor his new home. Can we hope for Notre Dame, unlikely, but we can pray.

There is one large fly in the ointment, news reports this week said that Roxbury's best gal, Jenny Swindle, was pregnant. It seems that abstinence was not the way to go no matter what Jesus said. How this plays out is up in the air, but Haunted hopes it will not keep Roxbury from attending Michigan. The men in blue may need to host a baby shower

All for now: The Haunted Wolverine.

We Recieved This From Coach Jimbo Burck

2008-09-03T04:12:00.001-07:00

The Question One Must Ask Is This
Could Young Tate Forcier Possibly Be As Good As
Roxbury Fleet?

But seriously- Jim copied this from rivals.com see the link at the top of the page

See below. This is the best thing that happened over the weekend. No worries at all from the loss on Saturday. I expected it. Michigan will be back - big time within 2 years.

Jim

San Diego (Calif.) Scripps Ranch quarterback Tate Forcier said he had no plans to make a decision on his college future heading into this weekend's visit with Michigan, but after experiencing a game weekend in Ann Arbor, the four-star signal caller did in fact make a decision.

The 6-1, 190-pound Forcier chose Michigan over Arizona State, Penn State, Oregon, Texas A&M and others on Sunday.

"It was pretty overwhelming when I did it," Forcier said. "I've always liked Michigan a lot. I've been a fan of Michigan since I was a little kid."

Following the decision, Forcier spoke about what led him to choose the Wolverines and how that commitment came about.

"I met with Coach (Rich) Rodriguez about 10 a.m. and I must have talked with him for about an hour and a half," Forcier said. "They were going to watch film and have meetings, but he continued to sit with me even though the coaches were waiting for him. We were talking, he was seeing how I liked it and he was explaining why they need me so much and the opportunity that I have to come in and play.

"We went to get something to eat and we told him, 'Me and my dad are going to talk this over and if I can't give you a decision, I'll definitely give you a top five and let you guys know where you stand.'"

Forcier committed to Michigan head coach Rich Rodriguez Sunday afternoon
While away getting lunch, Forcier called up someone who knows a thing or two about being a quarterback at Michigan – his older brother, Jason Forcier, who played for the Wolverines before transferring to Stanford in the spring of 2007.

"I was talking with my brother and telling him how much I liked it and I talked with my dad about it. They both asked me the same question, 'Is this the place?' I've been to several schools and you feel good after you visit every school, but they both said it's not that type of feeling, it's a different feeling. The feeling that you know this could be the place for me.

"I told my brother that's the feeling I got and he said, 'Don't second guess it, go with your first thought.' I listen to my brother. He went through the same decision himself, so I walked into Coach Rodriguez's office and gave it to him - a full-on commitment. All the coaches heard it and came running in and were congratulating me. I felt real comfortable and I think that's the place for me."

Forcier had the opportunity to watch Michigan's top two quarterbacks, junior Nick Sheridan and freshman Steven Threet, struggle in Michigan's 25-23 loss to Utah on Saturday. Where they were not able to get the job done, though, Forcier is confident he can step in and accomplish the task.

"I thought the quarterbacks did pretty good for it being the first game," Forcier said. "There's a lot of things I saw from the sideline even though I know it's not the same from the sideline. All I can say is that offense isn't for them, but it's tailor-made for me."

From his relationship with Coach Rodriguez to the opportunity he sees at the quarterback position, the cards lined up right for Forcier's commitment. He even had the opportunity to spend time with friends of his brother from his time in Ann Arbor.

"I actually hung out with Tim North and he is one of Jason's old buddies. I know him and he took me around, went to dinner with me," Forcier said. "I hung out with Brendan Lodge who I think throws the discus in track. I saw David Cone and we were hanging out with whoever we ran into. I felt I got along with them really well."

Forcier is ranked as the No. 6 dual-threat quarterback in the country by Rivals.com. He was also ranked as the most accurate passer of all quarterback prospects in the country by the site. He is Michigan's 17th verbal commitment in the class of 2009 and the third of the weekend for the Wolverines.

Black Sunday

2008-08-31T04:59:00.000-07:00

Well, there you have it just as Haunted predicted. The Spanish Scourge has destroyed a once fine team, and rumors have it that last night, late, five whiskeys into his trophy case, Rodriguez was doing the old drunk and dial. And who was he dialing? You've got it again. Roxbury Fleet.

To quote Fleet.."I could hardly understand the man, he was a weepin and carrin on, like some girl, I mean... it was just a game."...
"I said, coach, hang in there, I'll be coming I am makin progress, I'm trying, I know you need me. But please Coach, stop the howlin, it ain't becomin"

What can we say, it's a mess, millions of dollars on a coach, millions of dollars on a team, millions of dollars on elite sky boxes... and.. The blue cannot even beat Utah. OUCH!! They should have spent their money on a Library or perhaps some maize and blue rubber duckies to float about in Barton Pond.

The Big Game- A Shame-The Once Mighty Blue Against Utah

2008-08-30T03:36:00.000-07:00

Well, the new coach must be rising this morning with butterflies in his belly.
The Scourge, and some say, destroyer of a fine football/slash academic institution, today places Michigan on the mat. And unfortunately, as predicted, Roxbury Fleet will be no where to be found. But, there will be too many quarterbacks, and probably too many of them dropping the ball and flubbing plays.

Prediction-Defeat

So sing the Victors Guys and Gals, remember when, and hope against hope for Roxbury Fleet.

Future Unsure on the Banks of the Huron

2008-08-28T06:28:00.000-07:00

Where is Roxbury Fleet when I need him? That's what coach Rodriguez must be thinking this AM as he rises from an unsettled sleep. Because Rodriguez has a quarterback problem, and it does not look like Roxbury is going to get through high school in time for Saturday's big game with Utah.

To hear the coach tell it, he is keeping those quarterbacks in limbo, he will tell them, but he may not even announce it to the world before the game.

"They won't go into waking up Saturday morning, wondering who's starting," he said Wednesday. "They'll know, but I'm not sure I'll announce it. Don't really see why I have to."

Could he be sandbagging, hoping againts hope that somehow the Cyclops may yet emerge, some last minute favor from God, a chariot of hope, to carry the Michigan team to victory over those Bee-Bozos from Utah?

This comment from the Ann Arbor news is unsettling.

"No matter which player starts -And neither has yet to throw a pass in college. It's likely that the other will get playing time, too. Rodriguez said he'll make any quarterback switches Saturday based on intuition rather than by following a pre-set plan."

And the coach is already planning on screw ups.

"What I don't want is a quarterback to worry about every mistake; 'If I make a mistake, I'm coming out,' " Rodriguez said. "Sometimes you have to fight through that. If we're making really, really bad mistakes a lot, sometimes you have to calm 'em down, too. Again, that's more of a feel thing. If we need a spark or if it looks like we need to calm one of the other quarterbacks down, then we'll bring them to the side."

So come on all you Michigan men and ladies, hope, just hope against hope that somehow, someway, soon, perhaps tomorrow, that the Cyclops makes it to the Big Game.
It may be that all eyes wait for Roxbury Fleet.

It may be that coach Rodriguez, judging by his statements, needs remedial English too.

Excitement Builds in River City

2008-08-23T00:35:00.000-07:00

Yes folks, in the town of Two Ann's, and an Arbor, a place that once succored the weary traveler. On the banks of the Huron, excitement is building for the Big Game.

Yesterday at the diag, if you were magic enough to see it, there was a huge rally. Students, alums, and the Pom Pom gals, were out in force, trying out their new PA system and shaking their tushes like lilies in a hurricane. Cheers abounded, and slanders flowed. In the next few weeks no one is liking Utah.

Smight those Mormons
Put them in their place
Kick some sand
Right in their face

Utah is a state
that really sucks
full of frauds
And run amok's

Go Blue, Go Blue
Kill their team
Brigham Young
Was nasty, old
And obscene.

Yes folks, the crowds were cheering as the Pom Pom gals dittied about. Spirits are high, and it ain't only whiskey, and Chardonnay.

Meanwhile: it doesn't look good for Roxbury Fleet's arrival for Utah. Try as he might, Coach Rodriguez has been unable to steer him past the French Revolution. He seems to be stuck somewhere between the Rights of Man and the Guillotine. But, we can only hope that once he reaches the nineteenth century, he moves quickly by the Indian wars, the founding of Italy, three Napoleons... well you get the picture.

Hopes are not yet dashed, and it is still possible that the Cyclops will make it to the Big House before Ohio State.

GO BLUE

The Haunted Wolverine

Down to the Wire-Roxbury Fleet Passes English

2008-08-16T05:10:00.000-07:00

It is getting close folks. Can Rodriguez, the Scourge from crackerville pull it off? Doubtful, but possible. Yet, after spending a week in Tennessee reading Dick Jane and Spot it appears he has had some success. Yes, Roxbury fleet passed coach Rodriguez's version of remedial English and appears to be right on track to get that high school degree. We may have a quarterback yet.

See Dick Run
See Jane Fall
See That Spot
Go After The Ball

Over and over he had Roxbury parse this bit of verse, and low and behold a great big Go Blue Victory may be in the making. Now, if the Scourge can get Roxbury through math, world history, and science in the next week, there is still a chance the Cyclops may arrive just in time to save the day...Yes our one eyed version of Mighty Mouse.. may come in time to pull of a victory over Utah. And then it will be on to such hallowed programs as Toledo in a couple of weeks

Roxbury Fleet Struggles for High School Equivalency

2008-08-15T01:16:00.000-07:00

Michigan's coach Rodriguez announced today that all is not lost in the search for a new quarterback. And while Roxbury Fleet seems to be having difficulty meeting the high Michigan academic standards, the Scourge seemed hopeful.

"He's old enough to play, in fact I just found out he's nineteen, some problem about first grade, I think", said Michigan's coach Rodriguez. "But I have my best boys on it. We're gonna get Roxbury here as soon as possible. After all whats more important an education or football?"

Rumors abound that without Fleet the Scourge may be forced to run the dreaded two quarterback offense. "You gotta do, what you gotta do...I mean I need to earn all that money" coach Rodriguez is reported to have said. "Hell if I have to go to Tennessee myself.. I'll get that kid to pass the dam test. We need the Cyclops now."

As Haunted writes this post, he sits laptop in hand at the edge of the big top, I mean house. The cheerleaders are practicing a new cheer.

"We need the Cyclops here
Today
Because he can't see
The other way"

Pompoms wave and the air is sweet with departing summer, and the cheerleaders they... well they're jumpin.

So Who Ever Heard About Roxbury Fleet?

2008-08-08T23:24:00.000-07:00

No one and that’s the key.

Michigan Football while struggling to find a place in the preseason polls, may have scored a coup for next season. “Oh if we could only get him to drop out of high school and come play this year”, said the Spanish Scourge ( the new Michigan Coach) “We could fix it. I’d give him all A’s” Rumors are the Scourge went on to rant about the silly need to finish high school if you were already good enough and large enough to play college ball.

So, what’s the fuss about? Just listen to the Scourge. “ A phenom that’s what”. Because hidden away in Two Creeks Tennessee, the Scourge has found what may be the best quarterback of all-time. “You’ve got to see this kid” he is reported to have stated. “Fucking incredible”. Forget about schoolin he won’t need any, hell he could probably play in the NFL today. I know he can play for Michigan. And I didn’t even have to promise him much. The Kid likes the helmet...Well, we can’t all be smart. I told him he could have ten of em”

What’s so special you might ask? Well on top of being a great athlete and a mighty passer, the defense can’t read this kid. “We nicknamed him the Cyclops....He’s only got one eye... And that patch it fools em”, says the new Michigan Coach.

“You know, that monster from Homer...the sheep, or was it goats that those men escaped with... That blind thing that was biting off those sailor's heads.” Michigan’s new coach was educated in the classics it appears because “he knows one good eye when he sees one”, said the Dean of Football.

“We’re still trying to sign him up this year. Hell, can you imagine that eye-patch, one game blue, the next game maize?”

So fans, you can only hope, maybe this year... But next year, watch out, because the Cyclops is coming to town.

Waiting for A Jimbo Post

2008-08-05T21:14:00.000-07:00

We at the Haunted Wolverine are waiting for the next information and analysis post for our Team. The Mighty Blue. But since we have no facts we will need to make some up.

Mudville or not... Well it rains a lot in Ann Arbor in the fall, and then it snows. So Haunted remembers the games of muddy men and slippery balls, ripped sod, and shameless ball handling. Not to mention the cold and blustery rides to the stadium, it was not yet the Big House, on his bycycle. So, it is likely Ann Arbor will be muddy, but it may not be Mudville, or have they changed the turf again... who can keep track?

But it is time for a quick team analysis. Michigan has a lot of big young guys. They have lumberers and runners fleet. They have passers and snappers, scamperers and blockers. And they have plays.

How this mass of pituitary cases will manifest as a team is still unknown. But, be sure, it will be exciting with this new coach... Let's give him a nickname. The Spanish Scourge.

Hurry up Coach, Jimbo. Fill in the dots. We need information.

Wolverine Fights off Wolf Pack

2008-08-03T05:06:00.000-07:00

click here for the Mighty Wolverine

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3WjNd-G7uvo

TID BITS ABOUT THE WOLVERINE

2008-08-03T04:59:00.000-07:00

"CLOSE your eyes and think of Canada. Perhaps the picture that comes to mind is one of a country of cold winters and civilised prosperity. But Stephen Harper, the country's Conservative prime minister, has another idea. This month he suggested that the national image was best captured by the wolverine, a sort of weasel.

That seems odd. Wolverines have some unpleasant habits. They emit a foul-smelling musk and eat carrion. They are close relatives of skunks and their name translates as “glutton” in French. But Mr Harper was thinking of their reputation for aggression and tenacity in the face of much larger predators. Canada is no mouse beside the American elephant, but a wolverine next to a grizzly bear, he said.…"

From the Economist

When Times Are Tough

2008-08-03T04:48:00.000-07:00

WHEN TIMES ARE TOUGH
THE TOUGH GET GOING
SO COME ON BIG BLUE
GET THAT BALL ROLLING

Oh Woe Oh Woe

2008-08-02T04:43:00.000-07:00

That's right fans, Oh Woe... the team is is ranked 24th in the nation in the pre-season poll. Could it be a lack talent or our new hustling coach, who has replaced good vibes with "shouting and expletives" according to the New York Times. Is this what it takes, and will all be forgiven if Michigan wins? Probably, Haunted does not know enough about the fellow. This Rodriguez from Crackerville. But in the waining age of Bush, why not, an unprincipled coach for unprincipled times, or do we want a good guy who can win. And is this man the one. Or is he just some hustling scalawag who happens to know how to win. Sad days...Haunted liked Bump Elliot.

MICHIGAN FOOTBALL

2008-07-27T01:43:00.001-07:00

Will Ann Arbor be Mudville? Only time will tell.

WILL THE MIGHIGAN WOLVERINES REGAIN THEIR STATURE?

2008-07-27T01:39:00.000-07:00

Believe the Haunted Wolverine.

Yes with their cheerleaders, the Michigan marching band, , the big house, and that eilitist press box all that is necessary is a TEAM...Go Blue

From Coach, aka, Jimbo Burck

2008-07-26T04:47:00.001-07:00

ITF EXTRA - Some notes on the freshmen, more ... Reply

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
We'll have a ton up, starting on the drive home, but here are some quickies ...

The freshmen have been impressive. Morgan Trent said they are the "smallest, but fastest" group he's ever seen. He's gotten faster himself despite gaining 10 pounds. Really likes Justin Feagin, said he's extremely confident and he likes the way he carries himself.

This is strength coach Mike Barwis' first group of incoming freshmen that all made their initial goals in terms of times during runs and lifts. They have obviously been preparing. Rodriguez likes what he's heard on the group from Barwis.

The team is in incredible shape. Tim Jamison said Terrance Taylor has done a 180 in terms of attitude and buying in, said you wouldn't recognize him. He's really changed his eating habits. Will Johnson's bench is off the charts ("he's a freak"). Marques Slocum - Jamison said there was an "unfortunate incident," so it sounds like his dismissal was more than just academics.

OT Steve Schilling has a six-pack. Jamison said the whole team was in fantastic shape and Trent said he wouldn't make predictions for the season, other than they'd be the best conditioned team in the Big Ten.

Some of the "apostles" that went over to Rich Rodriguez's house - team leaders - include Trent, Jamison, Mike Massey, Will Johnson, other guys from different classes and -- Carson Butler. Rodriguez said he was really proud at how he'd developed into a leader and bought in, and he's expecting big things from him.

Jamison is at 263 after weighing 275 last year. He's waiting to hit the freshmen, who he calls "no-pad All-Americans." :)

Several of the opposing defensive players we talked to called Trent one of the most underrated players in the conference (and he agreed).

Access ... we'll be getting it EVERY OTHER PRACTICE this fall. This isn't the old days, folks.

Looking forward to a fun fall ...

The Haunted Wolverine

2008-07-09T18:19:00.000-07:00

Haunted... to be sure.. by years of almost making it, by the ghosts of bo. But folks it is a new day dawning. The team, your team, my team...THE TEAM...is under new leadership and rip right raring to go. Hail to the Victors and onward stalwart men. And wait for the expert commentary of Jimbo, Coach, E. J. Burck.